TAKE 'ER EASY

The holidays are coming up, and your pal Tommy J is not beyond having a good time. Sure, when I'm on the job putting my boot up someone's crack, I'm wound pretty tight. But everyone needs to power down. Even Magnum P.I. would break out the white golf shorts and do some shirtless stakeouts by the Koi pond. So if you catch yourself stressed at work, yelling at cars, or just counting the days until your eventual death, RELAX SON! Here's some sure fire ways I kick back:

Deaden your senses with alcohol. This is cheap, easy and fun. I recommend Miller High Life (the Champagne of Beers), the standard Budweiser, or go classic with a Pabst Blue Ribbon (if you find a can on the west coast, CALL me!)



Take a nap by the pool. A pool also acts as a natural cooler for said beverage, above.



Take a nap IN the pool. Beware: If you're too narcoleptic, this can lead to drowning.



Shoot at things in the wild. Now don't get all tree hugger on me. I'm not talking about cute rabbits or campers. Just pick off a road sign or fence post. I personally believe a well-placed round of buckshot on a billboard is a bit of an art form. I once took out the tooth of a spokesmodel for Listerine.



Visit your favorite bar. Pool table is good. Jukebox even better. And all accompanied by said beverage, above.



Meditate. Once you get yourself centered, it's like a good bowel movement.



Take a drive. I find that the faster I go, the better I feel.



Put on a good rerun of your favorite show.
I recommend "Magnum," "A-Team," "Knight Rider" and "Charles In Charge." Man, that Charles cracks me up. He ain't in charge of shit.

That's how I roll,

TJD