THE POWER OF KUNGJITSU

My name is T.J., as in ‘Hooker.’ And believe me, I hook as many as Billy Shatner any day of the week. But I don't always have to fire a gun to take out my enemy. My hands are lethal weapons as well. Many have asked the Jackhammer what kind of bare-handed combat I practice. I have perfected the art of KUNGJITSU. That's half Kung Fu, half Ninjitsu, fused together in a martial arts goulash. This is a rare art that can only be learned from ONE PLACE: a six hour course, taught by Sinsei Steve Jaminski at the El Paso YMCA.

Many of the ways of Kungjitsu are so shrouded in mystery, that to discuss them here would be sacrilidge. Plus, you didn't pay the monthly fee to the Y. I did.

Alls I can say is that the art involves cat-like moves and becoming a shadow in the wind. A shadow with fists, mind you. Kungjitsu warriors get themselves good and centered, then toughen their fists and feet by striking them against trees and concrete. It hurts like a sonofabitch, but after a while, a punch in the face is mild by comparison. Once you master the fear of getting punched in the face, you become free to follow your instincts. You awaken the cat-tastic striking force within you.



That's all I can share. I've already broken several laws of the Kungjitsu code just by telling you this much. I don't want to bring on the wrath of Sinsei Steve, especially since he's gonna hook me up with a Tae Bo class. Just know that if T-to-the-J cracks open a can of the 'Jitsu, you better have more than a roundhouse for me. 'Cause I'll come at you like a six-pack of Segal with a side of Miyagi.

That's how I roll,

TJ

WHY MAGNUM P.I. IS AWESOME

1. He lives in Hawaii. That's like being on vacation all the time.

2. He lives the glamourous life of a detective, which is similar and equally glamous to the life of a bounty hunter.

3. The moustache.

4. He is always pissing off that dilweed Higgins. Somebody should have shot THAT guy, not J.R.

5. His friend T.C. has a helicopter that he can ride in anytime he wants.

6. The man has women sticking to his hairy chest like it was velcro.

7. His theme song makes you want to drive fast and kick ass.

8. He's named after a GUN, for God's sake.