TJD's NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

Here it is, year "007" as I like to call it. The Year of the Bond. Time to make some resolutions and self-improve. Here are the shortcomings that Tommy J is working on in the new year.

1. I will not confuse an old lady for an old man. I will be non-gender-specific when addressing the elderly.

2. I will not spend more on boots than on health insurance.

3. I will get health insurance.

4. I will jump a car "Dukes of Hazzard" style, at least once, while in hot pursuit.

5. I will clean out Uncle Carter Dobb's El Paso public storage space once and for all (desceased, 1998).

6. I will successfully pass through an airport security station.

7. I will pick a fight with Micky Rourke.

8. I will invent a new self-defense move and get it authenticated by the Bruce Lee Institute.

9. I will memorize the Miranda Rights statement, all the state capitols and the scripture verse from "Pulp Fiction."

10. I will appear on a nightly cable news show as either an expert or an eye witness.

11. I will date a Chinese girl.

12. I will take down a criminal with only a bow and arrow.

13. I will successfully raise a bowl of Sea Monkeys.


God bless and keep it civil in 007.

TJD